RUTLEDGE'S FASTEST THREE YEAR OLD;
MORBECKS SNAG SECOND PLACE!
Oyez, Oyez. Let it hereby by known. Bradford Hampsey Morbeck should heretofore be addressed in all incoming correspondence as:
If you’re really a stickler for postal rules and regulations feel free to add all of that street address/box#/city/state/zip code stuff , but I don’t really think it’s necessary. Letters or packages with the sole notation, "Rutledge’s Fastest Three year old." should get here just fine. In other Independence Day news, the magnificent Morbeck Family float handily took second place in the Rutledge(PA) parade.
The Morbeck entry in the parade this year celebrated our Nation’s birth and independence with a theme saluting "Mom, Baseball, and Apple Pie." Sally donned a "mom" type wig, cat apron, string of pearls, and motherly sort of blouse.
I was decked out in a large Apple Pie costume with an apple stuck onto the top of an Uncle Sam Hat and the 16th Letter of the Greek alphabet emblazoned somewhere in the vicinity of my chest.
Benjamin and Gabriel both wore specially purchased "M" caps to match their spiffy new "TWINS" Tee shirts. The "M’s" purportedly stand for "Minnesota" but we all know they really stand for "Morbeck."
And Brad celebrated our National Pastime by wearing baseball garb including a real batting helmet complete with "Ear Flops".
Pushed alongside our decorated stroller and bike was a scale replica of "Triangle Stadium" , an errant proposal to lure a big league team to Rutledge, with only a slight increase in our property taxes. Let’s see, 200 houses in Rutledge, $200 million for a ballpark......taxes will only have to rise $1 million a house!
It’s a sad commentary that Sally and I, who once made our livings as professional decorators, could only muster second place in a town as small as Rutledge. Since being awarded the munificent sum of $3.00 we have even heard whisperings of judicial favoritism bandied about by our friends from around the corner. The winning float had a "Wild West" theme with an incredibly adorable infant as it’s centerpiece. We realize, though, that the fix might have been in.
The Parade terminated at Town Hall, conveniently located next to the Rutledge volunteer Fire Company. After the flag raising ceremony and the award announcements everyone adjourned to drink sodas and eat hot dogs.
The firefighters pulled out a gigantic set of steps and slid them next to the back of one of Rutledge’s two(!) fire engines and offered excursion rides to all residents. There was one little boy, however, who didn’t need to partake of sharing the steps with the great unwashed: Brad Morbeck, junior firefighter. Due to his intense interest in all things fire fighting related and his almost perfect attendance at the regular "Open Houses" the company runs on Monday nights, Brad was invited repeatedly (4 times) to ride in the FRONT of the truck, while the rest of the town’s loser kids were forced settle for cramped rides in the back. They even let him blow the siren a few times! Wow!
"You Can’t Teach Speed."- old baseball scouting axiom.
We retreated into air conditioning for an hour or so, filling Brad with vast quantities of water so that he wouldn’t get dehydrated in preparation for the most important part of the day, "The Rutledge Games." For months now I’ve been finely honing him to be a world class contestant in the always tough "15 yard Dash for 3 year-olds". If he were a thoroughbred race horse, he’d be in the prime of his career right now. I even gave him the "It Doesn’t Matter if You Don’t Win" speech the night before, although I must admit it was delivered without much gusto.
At 1 PM the entire village assembled at the Recreation Field to settle for another year who was fastest, who was fastest wearing a sack, who could catch the most water balloons without breaking, etc, etc. Brad was at such a high level of readiness that when the man starting the first race of the day (25 yard dash for 7 year olds) shouted , "GO!", Brad tried to leave the sidelines and join the pack of runners midway. Luckily the "LAD"(Long Arm of Daddy) reached out just in time and pulled him back to the friendly confines of the audience area, eliciting a short burst of tears.
About 12 boys and 2 girls, including our neighbor Kelly lined up when the 3 year old competition was called. The Velcro straps on Brad’s sneakers were tensioned perfectly for maximum exit velocity from the starting line located on the edge of the basketball court. 15 heartbreaking yards away, two volunteers pulled tightly in opposing directions on the string of pennants which denoted the Finish Line.
"On Your Mark..... Get Set........GO!"
Seconds later, it was all over. Brad Morbeck had earned the title, "Rutledge’s Fastest 3 Year Old." by 2 or 3 steps. A crumpled $1 bill and a plastic medallion on a red, white, and blue lanyard was awarded to him and he proceeded to inhale the traditional soft Pretzel of Victory.
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Excerpt from "Autobiography of Brad Morbeck", Random House 2045A.D. (pg45):
"In retrospect, I realize now that my father was almost completely nuts. He was a borderline psychotic in his zeal to have us win any and all of the July 4th events held each year in the small town where I grew up with my brothers. I remember him filling up the big silver van we used to have with soft pretzels, chips, and ice cream to celebrate our victories. If we lost, however, he would make us walk home all the way across town (Editor’s note: Rutledge is only 3 blocks wide) while he slowly drove the van next to us, taunting us with the continual tirade of , "Losers WALK! Winners RIDE!" I’ll never forget one particularly humiliating walk home when I was about 7, watching melting ice cream seeping out of the side door of the van most of the way home."
Who are these People? Why are they Clogging up this page?
COMING TO A MONITOR SCREEN NEAR YOU IN SUMMER 2000!
INDEPENDENCE DAY 2000!!!!!!
Thanks for stopping by;
Here are some final scenes from Independence Day 1999:
