8/26/97
Livermore, Morbeck,????,Vergeront circa 1939?
.
As many readers of this might already know, Robert C. Morbeck SR
(alias Mr. Big, Bear, Moose) used a vocabulary peculiar and sometimes known only to himself.
Here is an attempt by his emailing offspring (and offspring's offspring) to chronicle a portion of it.
BEARSPEAK/ENGLISH DICTIONARY
First off, our family consisted of :
BEAR OR MR. BIG: RC MORBECK SR. BEAR came from our parents' love of Winnie the Pooh
stories, especially when waiting for sister Mary Ellen
to arrive (from the stork, not on a plane from Tucson).
MR. BIG derived from an episode (or series of episodes,
as the case may be) on the old Bullwinkle show.
Mr. Big turned out to be a small villain with a big shadow.
AKA O'DADDY - Our Irish father; Nancy would say,
"Oh, Daddy!" when he teased her, and he would ask her
if he were her Irish father. In the same vein, he often signed
his letters and notes to us "DADDIO" (Italian, perhaps?)
MRS. BIG or WALRUS: VS MORBECK MRS. BIG, as one might assume, was the female component
of a group collectively known as THE BIGS.
WALRUS was a term of affection used by him after
being greatly moved by the beauty of a walrus swimming
gracefully at the Coney Island Aquarium sometime in the 50's.
MARY BEAR: ME MORBECK Some of us thought this was Mary Ellen's name
for much of our lives.
KAYO: KV MORBECK (HAYDEN) Bearspeak, like Pig Latin has certain irresistible urges,
one of which is to add friendly sounds like "O's"
everywhere. If you're ever in Yellowstone Park, make sure
to visit Kayo's Cauldron. We keep hoping sister Nancy will
slip it in on an official US government document, i.e. ,
maybe a map of Yellowstone or something.
NANC-O: NK MORBECK (HAACK) See above explanation for the "O" thing.
Also commonly referred to as SHARP EYES NANCY for
her fantastic skill of reading highway billboards at
incredible distances on family vacations in any one
of the green station wagons. After the whole family had
digested whatever sign information being imparted,
you would probably here a resounding,
"CHECK CHECK CHECK!"
ROBBO or ROVER: RC MORBECK JR. Readers are advised to return to the
"A Person of Many Names" quiz located elsewhere.
Mrs. Big just told me that she was amazed at how many
people would try to pronounce ROB - BOW
(bow and arrow, not bow-wow) as
ROW (row, row, row your boat) BOW.
Honorable Mentions, extended family:
AUNT RUDOLPH: RUTH BROOKS I, for one, never heard Aunt Ruth referred to
as anything else.
JACKSON: JACK SHAW Made even more confusing by the fact that he goes by
John to most of the several billion inhabitants of the world.
PIGGLE, PIGLET, (AUNT PIG): CAROLYN SCHULTZ Readers of the lengthy narrative
"Cat Biographies" will recognize this key player in Morbeck
Cat History from the "Eeyore" section which chronicles
the life and times of Eeyore and Moses in the rollicking
1960's. Bear usually called Carolyn PIGLET
(See below for more "Pooh" and Pooh-related entries),
a reference to Winnie-the-Pooh's porcine companion
who lived nearby under the name of Trespassers W
(Trespassers Will or William). BearSpeak always has a
natural tendency to soften any hard consonants such as
the "T" in PIGLET, henceforth PIGGLE has been with
us every since. In the intervening quarter century or so
(since the Moses Era) she has evolved into a Strobridge
and become kindly (old) Aunt Pig to Bix and Bix's children.
THE OUTLAWS: OPPOSITE OF IN-LAWS Uncle John submitted this one. Bear used this term to
describe himself, Aunt Ann, Uncle Hugh, and Uncle Bob.
It does make them sound a bit more rogue-ish then they
actually were (a matter of opinion, I guess).
YOUR GRANDMOTHER:
YOUR GRANDFATHER: names used to identify his in-laws. We don't know what
he called them before he had children!
"Places on the Map" for 100, please, Alex:
ONION COUNTY: UNION COUNTY, NEW JERSEY We grew up in a state where you had to learn all 21 counties (and their county seats) in school. It's Elizabeth, stupid.
PENNSYLTOONYA; PENNSYLVANIA, USA Nanco is the only one of our immediate family who obviously couldn't find a native Pennsyltoonyan good enough to marry. Despite all of our family's saber-rattling about the state of Wisconsin, it seems that only one of us was actually born a badger - Uncle Stan.
MASSACHUSEMUTTS: MASSACHUSETTS Home of the UMass Minutemen, formerly the Red Men in more politically incorrect times. My mother confided recently that some of these mispronunciations derived from an actual inability to say some of these words properly. She hastens to add that this is only her opinion.
SCANDIHOOVIAN: SCANDINAVIAN That's where we're all from, Scandihoovia. Did you hear about the lutefisk that even starving feral cats wouldn't eat?
THE BIG PENCIL: Either one of the WASHINGTON MONUMENTS. There are two located in our nation's capital, of course. One on the way into D.C., one on the way out.
THE SNOOPY ROCK: located on Trinity Place in Westfield. On his nightly commute home from New York he would wait for Mrs. Big to pick him up after disembarking from the luxurious Central Railroad of New Jersey. I always wondered what the rest of the world thought of seeing a grown man in a business suit standing on a rock 3 feet high, waiting for his wife. It obviously reminded him of Snoopy lying atop his doghouse in "Peanuts."
FATSO FINNEGAN(S): BIG WATERTOWERS Somewhere on the way towards Newark Airport stands "The World's Tallest Water Sphere", a highpoint on every family trip we took in an easterly direction. The shorter, squattier version of these beasts were commonly called FATSO FINNEGANS. Our Crozet correspondent reports that this phrase owes it birth to the bawdy Scotch Plains / Fanwood grade school rhyme,
Fatso Finnegan, two by four
Couldn't get through the Bathroom Door
So he Upped and Did it on floor.
Kayo reports, "Needless to say, Mother frowned on this and was always looking for
alternate lyrics. Sure enough, almost 45 years later Mrs. Big's selective memory recalled the sanitized version, "Couldn't get through the Kitchen Door". Interesting.
THE UMPIRE: THE UMPIRE STATE BUILDING New York, New York. Some people (I'm told) mistakenly pronounce the name of this King Kong of buildings with some sort of "E" like sound --"Empire" , it almost sounds like. There's no accounting for ignorance. On Double Dare one of the obstacles was named this, complete with bats and gloves glued to the sides of the superstructure.
PICKLESBURGH: PITTSBURGH, PA A well crafted bearspeak item due to fact that we all know that the HJ Heinz Company is based in Picklesburgh. For those of you looking for extra credit here's the bonus question. What is one of Heinz's main products? That's right, PICKLES!!!!
Which Brings us to the
DADDY QUIZ: Countless hours were spent around the dinner table engaged answering various questions posed in the all -encompassing DADDY QUIZ. Food ingredients of various table condiments was probably the favorite, with Lea and Perrins Worcester sauce often being a prime target. "OK, who can tell me what's in Lea and Perrins?," the question would go. It was the 60's, so the first person who yelled, "SALT!" would usually win. In the traveling version of this game it was usually best to yell , "SUSQUEHANNA!" to any geography question.
By the way, do you have any
HORSE? HORSERADISH, of course. "Who can tell me what's in horseradish?" Grated horseradish, vinegar and SALT!
TURKLE TURKEY We gather together on Thanksgiving to make sure we have enough stuffing leftover to make stuffing sandwiches the next day.
We're from the government, and we're here to...
THE U.S. MULE In the strictest sense of the term, the MAILBOX located at the corner of Hyslip Ave. and Shadowlawn Drive. Be extra careful up there, because it's located smack-dab-in-the-middle-of BAD MAN'S CORNER. "THE MULE" also came to mean the entire postal service and all its activities. BAD MAN'S CORNER was so named because creepy people occupied 3 out of the 4 compass positions here-NW,NE,SW. A few of these creepy people turned out to be respectable members of society (not all, though).
INFERNAL REVENUE SERVICE: THE IRS Mostly just affectionately referred to as " The Infernal". Every April, Bear would proudly do battle with his tax return. The idea of ever getting any professional assistance in this endeavor was pure anathema. He even clipped a joke headline out of the paper that said something to the effect of , "NEW JERSEY MAN DOES HIS OWN TAXES -BELIEVE IT OR NOT!" When all of the form-ordering, pencil sharpening, rubber cementing, and slide rule calculations were finally done he would victoriously seal the envelope, prepare it for a trip to the U.S. MULE, and solemnly announce to all of us kids, WELL, YOUR MOTHER'S GOING TO JAIL. It was a joint return and my mother's main contribution came when it was thrust in front of her and he said, "here, sign this." All of us kids would study the back of Betty Crocker Cake Mix boxes in case we ever had to "BAKE A CAKE WITH A FILE IN IT" to free our beloved Mommy from the Big House (Pen, Slammer, Joint, Gray Bar Hotel). Word reaches us from the Purcellville Bureau that both of the descriptive terms U.S. MULE and Infernal Revenue are probably from the comic strip "Little Abner", which Bear read with great enjoyment.
Is it bigger than a breadbox? Is it a breadbox? Objects you might find around the house:
SHOESH, NOOSH, NUSHOESH: FOOTWEAR These terms probably trace their origin to when Cousin Brian Shaw was just a tike. Throughout his working career Bear would buy one pair of dress brown shoes and one pair of dress black shoes whenever he went to the shoe (shoesh) store. The black ones would be worn until they had holes in them while the brown ones would languish unfettered in the back of the closet, never having to be victimized by the sun's rays.
ARTHUR: Is it cold out? I don't know, I'll check Arthur. OUR THERMOMETER, that is.
ESKIMO: ESCALATOR OK, you don't really find these around the house unless you're Donald Trump, Madonna, or the Duke of Windsor or somebody. When you're in a big department store, if you're bored you can spend all day riding up and down on the ESKIMOS and the ALLIGATORS.
HANDKERSNIFF: HANDKERCHIEF This is an example of a BearSpeak item that is actually much more descriptive than the word it replaces.
CHECKED PAPER: Also known as CROSS-HATCHED PAPER. Some paper company probably destroyed acre upon acre of virgin timber to supply the Morbeck family with reams of engineer's graph paper with which to doodle, crumple, or otherwise entertain ourselves. The Standard Oil Company of New Jersey was the main conduit for this paper trail which ran through our household.
HEFFLECLUMPER: HAEFTEMASKINE - Wait a minute, this is an Bearspeak to English dictionary, not a Bearspeak to Danish dictionary. Mr. Big went into some office supply type store to buy a STAPLER while on business in Denmark and claimed they sold him a HEFFLECLUMPER. This sounds suspiciously like the mysterious animal once searched for by Pooh and Piglet, the infamous "HEFFLELUMP"
Which leads us to POOH AND POOH RELATED TERMS:
BEAR OF LITTLE BRAIN: Pooh's description of himself, applied to anyone of the Morbeck "bears."
EXPOTITION: EXPO , for short. Christopher Robin and all of the rest of the guys in the forest went on an EXPOTITION to the North Pole (Pooh Found It). Any one of the numerous drives of discovery we took as children was always preceded by the statement, 'Let's go on an Expotition!"
NOT VERY HOW How are you, Eeyore? NOT VERY HOW. The polite way of saying you're not feeling well.
TIME FOR A LITTLE SOMETHING... 11 O'clock rolls around, and we all get a little hungry...it's time
TO SATISFY THE INNER BEAR: Best done with an order of scrapple (pork snouts are a main ingredient, to you non-Pennsyltoonyans) from Zinn's Diner (PA Rt. 272, PA Turnpike exit #21)
HIPPOPATAMUS(I): HYPOTENUSE Speaking of Zinn's....... Let's say you pull out your Eastern United States Map (make sure it's a genuine ESSO map made in Convent Station, NJ). Now the normal route from Westfield to anywhere (such as Purcellville or Crozet) would always take you by a large Pennsylvania Dutch man holding a pitchfork with a speaker in his leg. "Hello Dere!" If for some reason (inclement weather, threat of nuclear war) you couldn't travel on the customary 2 sides of the triangle you might have to take the HIPPOPATAMUS - a more direct yet not as tasty travel option.
Commonly used phrases:
OKLE-DOLK; A distant cousin to Okey-dokey (Okius Dokius in ancient Rome)
HUCKLEBERRIES: Phil Rizzuto used this one a lot as well. I mistakenly thought that huckleberries were people who cut you off on the highway. Mrs. Big corrected me by telling me that huckleberries (going to their grandmother's house) were the people who clogged up the roads on major holidays.
UMPTEENTH: A lot.
PRETTY DOGGY: Descriptive term conveying a sense of true elegance, i.e., "This hotel room is prit-tee dog-ee."
BEAR LEFT: A common road sign whose meaning was explained to us kids with a long tale of a bear waiting for his wife fruitlessly until he could no longer endure it . He was nice enough to leave a sign for her, though.
FAVORITE (GRAND) CHILD YOUR SIZE/AGE/: Both of our parents were careful not to play favorites with us. This prevented me from receiving a richly deserved shiny new automobile at age 17.
ARCH! An interjective used to remove grandchildren and cats from the coveted "Archie" chair (the big comfy chair with the best view of the television).
UBIQUITOUS: Adjective to describe Fido (AKA Donny Rowe) who had a talent of showing up at our front door at all hours of the day. I note that Julia Hayden has since inherited this priceless gem of a word.
GAZINTAS: 5 gazinta 25 five times, 6 gazinta 60 ten times, etc, etc.
MOOSETRAP: As in "CAUGHT IN A MOOSETRAP" Uncle John relates how UNCLE MOOSE would catch unsuspecting children in the insidious "Moosetrap", two legs which would clamp down upon them much like the leaves of a Venus Fly Trap close to catch various insects.
IRKS: Certain events or attitudes in the human experience irked Mr. Bear. Apparently this propensity to be irked by certain things has been genetically passed all the way down to grandson Nils.
SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR: Hey Boo, Boo. Let's see if we can grab another picanic basket before Ranger Smith gets back. A variation of this is the key to our family's decision making process, as in "WHAT WOULD THE SMART BEAR DO?"
SQUAWS: Incredibly 90's/unacceptable term for granddaughter Julia and Mrs. Big, mostly when take-out food was being delivered.
TICKEE: TICKET Possibly from the old Chinese Laundryman cliché, "No Tickee, No Shirtee."
The BearSpeak songlist:
THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOUNTAIN: "TO SEE WHAT HE COULD SEE..." I heard a classical version of this political convention standard recently on the radio.
I'M A BEAR, I WANT MY BREAKFAST: We all learn this song before we actually learn to speak. It reminds me of a friend of mine who used to solemnly announce that he would now intone the ancient call of his people, "HERE, KITTY KITTY KITTY!"
As long as we're having breakfast, I'll have
EGGS ANY STYLE: Our cousin Jocelyn Shaw tried to order eggs this way in a restaurant (or so family lore has it) and it became Bear's first choice for a breakfast order for decades afterward.
And finally, from the retirement years:
"TURN OFF THE VACUMN CLEANER, BONANZA'S ON!"
ADIOS!
GOOM-BYE!
SEE YOU LATER, ALLIGATORS!
SEE YOU AROUND, YOU BIG FAT CLOWN!